Things She Wishes You Knew About Sex

Unlike your workout, there’s no simple science to knowing what women want. And while your girlfriend may tell her gal pals about all the things that get her going, she could be leaving you in the dark. Lucky for you, we asked a handful of women and some sex experts to get you all the details you need to truly blow her mind. You’ve upped your game at the gym. Now’s the time to boost your skills in the bedroom. Here’s what she wishes you knew about sex—and how to deliver.

1. Warm Me Up

“You wouldn’t just dive into your workout without warming up, so please accord my vagina the same courtesy,” says Sara T. of Manhattan. “You might also wish to apply the same logic to other parts of my body, not just with my erogenous zones but also my brain,” she adds.
Our desire and need to be warmed up with everything from flattery to foreplay makes sense even on an evolutionary level. “Women aren’t as susceptible to excitation as men because of their elevated risk of STIs, pregnancy, and injury,” says Robin Milhausen, Ph.D., sex researcher at the University of Guelph. “Women need more evidence that a partner is worth the investment.”
Women need a bit more of a lead up than men do when it comes to jumping into the sack, says certified sex therapist Sari Cooper, LCSW. We want to feel special, wanted, courted, not just at your disposal. “Women appreciate compliments and comments her partner makes throughout the week about what he finds attractive about her,” says Cooper. “This keeps the energy between them vital so when they do start getting physical, they aren’t starting from zero in the romance energy dept.”
Tell us how pretty, smart, and sexy we are and spend time on kissing and gentle touching before you start the real foreplay show.

2. I’m Not Your Ex

“Don’t assume that what worked for your last girlfriend works for me,” says Alyssa V. of Toronto. “My body is different, and it won’t make me feel special when you arbitrarily apply what your last lover liked to me.”
It’s imperative that you take the time to get to know what your new lover’s body prefers, don’t expect that it’s the same as the last woman you were with.
“Sexual response and desire varies tremendously from one woman to another,” says Charlie Glickman, Ph.D., sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure. “A lot of guys get really caught up in the idea that a trick that worked every time with a former partner will play out just as smoothly with the next. That’s simply not true.”
Without doing too much talking, it’s a good idea to ask your woman if she likes where your mouth, hands, or any other part of your body that’s pleasing her is and listen to her reactions to gauge what’s working—and what isn’t.

3. What’s On The Outside Does Matter

We’re not talking about that six-pack you’re flexing when you’re hovering over our half-naked bodies with your shirt off. (Though we won’t complain about that, if you have it.) We’re referencing the clitoris, thank you.
“It’s there for a reason,” says Annabelle J. of Texas. “Surprisingly, not every guy gets that.”
“Most women need some kind of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, which means intercourse alone isn’t going to get them all the way,” says Glickman. He recommends vibrators, hands, even using your pubic bone during missionary. Note, again, that what feels best for your gal will depend on her particular body, so ask, listen, and be ready to learn